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She starting dating again using an app exclusively for people with sexually transmitted infections. “I was too scared to use Tinder or Bumble.
I wish it weren’t true, but I have contracted the virus for genital herpes. And, one of the greatest dichotomies is that the VERY thing, for me, that demonstrates my true love for a man is to have an intimate sexual relationship with him. I’ve given myself to very few men over the years, and one of these very few men who happens to be married, but we are in an open relationship together with his wife’s consent, we are essentially “friends with benefits” ; well, he was someone that I’ve always believed cared for me.
He is someone I’ve always felt loved me enough to protect me and keep me safe. And yet, he passed this virus onto me. I can’t tell you how betrayed I feel. And what makes this whole situation even worse is that he TOLD me he had it and I didn’t take any precautions to protect myself. I am so ashamed. I’ve even told my friends that “he didn’t know he had it” because I can’t even admit to myself that I didn’t look out for myself the way I should have.
The thing I am struggling so deeply with is that I want to have a partner, a totally exclusive partner, not someone who is married and “allowed” to be with another woman. It has never been my desire to be in a relationship like this. I have many reasons for engaging in this kind of relationship a very long story but believe me, it’s not my long term choice. I want an exclusive and totally loving relationship with a man who adores me and I him.